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  • Writer's pictureVariant Magazine

What is a Love Language & Why is it Important?

Updated: Oct 17, 2023

By Grace Dearing, Web Editor

Similar to the enneagram and Myers-Briggs personality types, you’ve probably seen the term “love language” pop up on your Twitter or Instagram feed from time to time. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, the mind behind the five love languages, there are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts.

What it is

As a marriage counselor, Chapman noticed that many of his clients often struggled to communicate their love with one another. Some people express love through constantly expressing their feelings (words of affirmation) while others show this by helping out with daily tasks (acts of service). But, just because you express your love in one way, doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner expresses themselves in the same way.

Understanding how your partner expresses their love is a crucial component in a long lasting relationship. It will help you better understand when they are trying to convey their feelings to you and, in turn, will help you learn how you should be showing them that you reciprocate these feelings.

Find your love language here.

About the five personality types

Words of Affirmation: If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, be aware of what you are saying to them. Your partner will look for love in the constant verbal reassurances you give them.

Quality Time: If your partner’s love language is quality time, make sure to put extra effort into the time that you spend together. Your partner feels most secure when they have your undivided attention and uninterrupted time with you.

Physical Touch: If your partner’s love language is physical touch, they will feel most secure in the intimate physical moments between the two of you. This does not necessarily mean sexual moments; acts as simple as hand holding or hugging are just as intimate.

Acts of Service: If your partner’s love language is acts of service, they will feel most valued when you go out of your way to help with daily tasks such as washing the dishes or helping out with errands. What may seem like a simple chore will mean the world to your partner.

Receiving Gifts: If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, the best way to show them you care is through tangible items. These don’t have to be extravagant gifts, even a simple bouquet of flowers will make your love blossom.

What if you’re single?

Regardless of whether or not you’re currently in a relationship, being aware of your love language is an important foundation for any partnership. By embracing your love language, you will hold any potential partners to the high standard you know you deserve. Your partner does not necessarily have to match your love language, but they should at least know how to express their love in the way that you need them to.

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